Letting Go of Ourselves and Pressing Into Our Relationship and Intimacy

Love Making

Have you ever had one of those conversations with your spouse, partner or lover about what the depth of your love could enable you to achieve? Have you given thought to what sorts of feats you would accomplish to demonstrate the love you have for the other? Have you considered what barriers or obstacles that you could blow through in order to span a measure of the distance to demonstrate to him or her what extent you are willing to travel for them?

Obviously, with a blog title of The Essence of Love-Making and the subject matter that lies within, there is one very erotic action that would be raised as one of the questions that I referred to in the previous paragraph (more on this particular question later). What are the barriers that preclude us from demonstrating absolute comfort with our partner? Melinda and I considered that we could make this more specific…does your love compel you to do things that you would ordinarily view as being “gross?”

I find myself increasingly laying down what was once uncomfortable (or, gross, if that term works better for you) in favor of wanting to not let my own inhibitions stand in the way of my affection.  Let me list a few of examples below along with how I now (or desire) to respond.

  1. Deep, passionate kisses first thing in the morning (forsaking morning breath). If we both have morning breath, why does it matter? Kiss away! Kiss freely!!
  2. Full contact, bodies pressed together, hugs when she is sweaty from a workout. Unless I am wearing a suit and preparing to head out for some other special occasion, I will hug her. If she is finishing an athletic event (running race, triathlon, etc.), you had better believe that I am going to hug her in celebration! The question is, does (or will) she hug me?
  3. Making love after a full day (i.e., not showering before intimacy). I know that some couples (especially depending upon what sort of work either does) will absolutely avoid physical contact until after their bodies are clean. Unless I have been out camping for three days, I have no problem with getting our bodies together for passionate sex without a shower. If we both are days without a shower, it truly doesn’t matter.
  4. Oral sex without an immediately prior shower. (see #3). I do enjoy her fragrance and I have no issues with being “down there,” especially if the intimacy is spontaneous and uncontrollable. My natural inclination is to head south no matter what and give her all the pleasure that she desires and can handle.
  5. Kissing after oral sex. For me, this is an absolute no hesitation move. If she goes down on me and takes me to completion, not only would I not resist her kiss, but I need her to kiss me! The same is true for the roles to be reversed. After I pleasure her, I am going to kiss her deeply. Our love fluids are no longer a roadblock for me – instead, they are an on-ramp to the next intimacy freeway!
  6. Wake-up sex following a previous evening of sex. This isn’t a consideration for me. Of course I am ready for sex first thing in the morning. I do like the messy nature of it all and to be with her through all of that is heavenly!
  7. Wake-up oral sex. By now, these situations seem silly. Why would I not go down? I want to wake her up with oral!!
  8. Oral sex following penetrative (i.e. intercourse). Again, this is ridiculous considering the nature of my blog and what I absolutely enjoy doing. It went from a goal to something that is a facet of making love. A means to take intimacy to new levels.
  9. Wake-up oral sex after a prior evening of sex. This is something that I have never tried nor experienced. The idea is sexy yet there needs to be a measure of intimate trust that will allow for me to do this. Does she trust me with her body? Would she let herself be vulnerable to my oral desires? I want to experiment with this one day.

There are other, less physically sexual, yet no less sensual expressions that come to mind. Sharing food from the same utensil? How about the ultimate in food sharing…biting from the same apple (a la Adam and Eve)? What comes to your mind? What do you see yourself doing or wanting your other half to do?

Communicating About Sex: Almost as Good as Sex Itself!

Seldom, if ever, are there awkward moments of silence where either of us is left struggling for something to talk about. Sitting on the couch with the television off, we can talk for hours as the subject matter meanders about and our participatory emotions can run through the entire spectrum. When we’re together on a road trip, sharing in mutual interests as we dive into various aspects and details of what is on our mind, occupies the airspace. However, there are some areas and topics that were truly never discussed in any sort of depth. By now, you might be wondering what any of this has to do with me enjoying making and tasting our creampies?

One of the single-most exciting aspects of my pursuit of growth in our intimacy has to be the breakthrough in communication that Melinda and I are experiencing. Talking about sex in a very abstract, impersonal sense has never been a challenge for my wife and I. We can talk about the cultural issues, social downfalls and various other perspectives without hesitation. But, when we begin to encroach upon our personal sexual intimacy, our wants and desires in particular, we have historically stayed as far away from any conversational depth.

As I have progressed from a man who refused any sort of oral contact with his semen to one who gladly tastes and eats it (during intimacy with my wife), I am just now starting to scratch the surface of open dialogue with my wife about my intimacy fantasies and desires with her. What began as simple innuendo and subtle inferences is slowly transitioning to frank and open discussion. The ice-breaker for me was an evening, while engaged in intercourse, as I was thrusting inside of Melinda, her pussy already filled with my cum, I told her that I was going to go back down to taste her and my cum. In an instant, she spread her legs to take me in deeper (despite her issues with my penis length), as we both experienced orgasms at the mere mention of the creampie-eating act.

Last weekend after finally getting to our bedroom following a particularly late evening of family activities, we showered in anticipation of a healthy night of oral sex, complete with creampie eating. Laying there on the bed, our bodies naked and fresh, we began talking about sex. I can’t recall what prompted the dialogue, but we started in our intimacy, leaving nothing unspoken. I began to express to Melinda in bold detail, where my interest in eating my semen from her pussy began to manifest. I expressed to her how my desires began to develop when we started to have sex for the purposes of getting her pregnant. When she was finally off birth control and every load of ejaculate (that I was pumping into her) was now for real, the arousal for me was incredible. The idea of my semen being “dirty” or “repulsive” fell away. During that intimacy, I saw my wife’s vulva and envisioned her reproductive organs now as amazing equipment and no longer simply for my pleasure. It was a breakthrough for me!

I began to describe to her about my adolescent masturbatory practices and what I would do with my ejaculate once I achieved orgasm. I described to her my mindset that the liquid was dirty and the act of self-pleasuring was a shameful thing for me – that I had viewed all of those aspects of myself as dirty. We spoke about our premarital sexual encounters (there were so many, it would be impossible to count) with each other. We used to have intercourse as much and whenever possible, but my views on my semen remained the same (keep that stuff away from me!!). When my wife (then girlfriend) gave me oral to completion (OTC), she initially spit my semen out. When she finally started swallowing it, my enjoyment increased, however in neither occasion would I kiss her after my see had filled her mouth (she had to rinse first).

That evening, we also spoke about why I like the idea of continuing intimacy following orgasms (for both of us). It is patently obvious that my wife enjoys and can easily attain multiples and that continuing on after my orgasm is dependent upon my desire and ability – both of which are fueled by possessing the strength and stamina and having enough arousal. I told her that this meant that in order for me to continue on, I would need to set aside any mental barriers (my previous aversion to my cum) and work through the physiological ones. I also mentioned to her that it would be highly arousing for me (and probably her) if she could follow suit and perform oral on me after being inside of her. She has always been resistant to any contact with her fluids and any mention of such an activity (by me) has been met with adamant refusal. When I discussed how aroused she gets when I eat my cum from her and take her to subsequent orgasms, the absolution aspect seemed to melt away and I could see that she was actually thinking on the idea.

The conversation was absolutely uncharted territory for our marriage. Sadly, it has taken us more than two decades to get to this point. Excitedly, we ARE here, breaking free from the past and developing our relationship. As I write this, I recall our teenage phone conversations and how they would last for hours on end. We would engage in lurid discussion after a while, each of us getting considerably aroused. I would stroke my penis as she described what she would do to me. On more than one occasion, my arousal was taken to the point of orgasm and ejaculation. I know that I fought to conceal my finishing from her as I didn’t want her to feel strange about her boyfriend cumming while on the phone. To this day, I doubt that I’ve told her about that (I think that I will have to share this with her to see which direction our present-day sex-talk can be taken!). While I was on active duty, our letter-writing (email didn’t exist as it does for current deployed service personnel) often included vivid details of what our next sexual encounters would be like once I returned from deployment. Fortunately for me, we both saved our letters from that time and reading them today makes for some incredibly titillating reading.

I was very encouraged when my wife said that she would gladly share my semen with me in a heated kiss following my finish in her mouth. I had expressed to her that it was a fantasy of mine to engage in oral cumplay, each of us enjoying my ejaculate after cumming in her mouth. This was a huge communication breakthrough for us!

Laying there naked on the bed, my penis quite clearly communicating my arousal to my wife, I began stroking her body as our conversation was winding down. Similar to the visual queues that I was providing to my wife, I could also see that the subject matter had a profound impact on her. I touched her erect nipples as I began to passionately kiss her. Our lips and tongues fully engaged, my hand eventually slid between her legs to discover the flow of her love juice was in full swing. My heart was aflutter with anticipation, waiting to take in her liquid essence. It was more than obvious that our open and honest talk about our intimacy had a profound impact on her.

Making her way down to my penis, my beautiful wife started in, orally stimulating me. Being extremely aroused already, the sensation was near-overwhelming, Once I settled down and simply enjoyed what she was doing to me with her tongue and lips. As I laid there soaking it all in, my ejaculatory response began to build. Sensing my increased erection and tasting my precum, Melinda began to work harder, caressing my scrotum and testicles. I started to think that she was going to take my load and share it with me…right here and now. The idea of it was getting me even more worked up. My wife kept pursuing my arousal, seemingly intent taking me to an orgasm when she suddenly pulled her mouth off of me, looked me in the eyes with a sheepish smile saying, “Ok! My turn!”

In the time it took for her to change positions and for me to enter her, my arousal abated and I began to gently thrust into her with my penis. At a whisper, our conversation started up again. We started to chat about what we were feeling. My wife was in tune with my arousal sensing that I was building up to the point of no return (PONR). I’d edge my orgasm, letting a few spurts of semen pulse into her already saturated pussy, prompting her to ask, “did you just cum a little bit?” I smiled in response and continued thrusting. Her “normal” pattern had been to demand me ceasing intercourse for fear of my orgasm would end our love-making session. Now, she knew that even if I did go all the way to an orgasm, I was going to spend some quality time with licking her and lapping up my seeping cum.

tumblr_nouzy7xJFw1uohzbto1_400I continued thrusting and edging, depositing burst after burst of cum inside of my wife. Melinda asked me if I would move down and begin taking care of her needs. Thoroughly saturated, I gladly withdrew and positioned myself between her muscular thighs. I paused to take in the sight of my semen and her pussy juices whipped into a heavy froth. My abdomen was alight with the sensation of butterflies in my anticipation of the first taste. I slowly moved in and my wife let out a heavy sigh. Knowing that I filled her with my cum, she asked, “is there a lot?” I had to confess to her that it was a mess and that I was excited as I extended my tongue to her pretty right labia. I moved in an upward motion, licking up a sizable portion. My wife quivered as she was clearly hypersensitive, my tongue tickling her in the process. I moved to the other side to take in another portion. I dropped down to her anus to catch what gravity was trying to take, removing another considerable amount of our mixture. The flavor was overwhelming! Finally, it was going to happen…I inserted my tongue into her pussy opening to extract a huge volume of fluid. Taking it into my mouth, much of it began to run down my chin. My mouth was extremely full, so I wiped the excess onto her clitoris with a fluid motion, swallowing the mouthful I already had.

image (1)After my wife’s first orgasm, she clamored for me to, “get inside” her immediately. Of course, I was compelled to oblige. As she was so wet from her juices, my cum and saliva, I easily slid straight into her very sensitive pussy. I was in so fast and deep, that my wife let out a deep moan of both pain and pleasure. I had to be mindful of my depth as I began thrusting. As I stroked, I realized that I was only going to be able to sustain a rhythm for a few minutes. In her heightened state of arousal, she began to experience small, but enjoyable climaxes in succession as the head of my penis massaged the upper wall of her pussy. The pressure inside of me was mounting as I felt the ejaculatory response building and so, slowed to release a spurt or two of semen. I was able to continue on as my wife told me to just let go. As I resisted the urge, she began to make demands. “I want you to cum inside me!” she exclaimed. I told her that I was about to cum and reminded her that I was going to lick it all up afterward. That was enough to send her reeling. She began to have yet another orgasm which, in turn, sent me over the edge as I began to fire, round after round of semen shots inside of her.

I rested in her arms while my penis was still inside of Melinda. I lifted up slightly and smiled at her. She knew that I was bent on cleaning her up and giving her yet another orally-stimulated orgasm. Before I entered the refractory let-down period, I withdrew and again moved down for another round of licking her pussy. This time, the fluid that was emanating from her pussy was clearly and almost entirely from me. the load was thick and translucent white and was beginning to emerge from her opening. I began to lick her labia while awaited the large portion to exit from her. When it did, I sucked it into my mouth. The warmth was tremendous. The thick and creamy consistency was delightful. The flavor was rather enjoyable. To date, this was the largest volume of my semen that I had ever held in my mouth and it was amazing. The bland flavor was subtle and possessed a hint of cauliflower and sweet. Upon swallowing it, I could also pick up a hint of my wife’s essence in the aftertaste and it was all entirely amazing. Inserted my tongue into her pussy to retrieve what was left and enjoyed the small serving before I moved up to stimulate Melinda’s clitoris.

We continued on for another set of orgasms, my wife first followed another one for my inside of her. As the hour was late and we were both spent, I sadly left the second, smaller load untouched. My wife and I cleaned up and prepared for one of the most wonderfully peaceful nights of rest either of us had in a long time. Our minds and our bodies cleared by the evening’s activities. Open and honest communication about intimacy was now achievable without the risk of pressure, hurt feelings or unnecessary expectations. The idea of talking about sex and sharing our desires is an important facet of our relationship – one that has clearly been sorely absent from our marriage. We are just beginning and the future looks quite bright for us, leaving me with the feeling that we are staring afresh with a lifetime ahead of us.

I am considerably more excited with the prospect of what our future holds rather than dwelling on what we could have experienced had we stated this sooner.

Identifying and Understanding the Roadblocks to Continuing Intimacy (Part I)

For me, the communication barrier is the fear of rejection. My fantasies all involve my wife (meaning I don’t have any thoughts of including others), no public sex, etc. My fantasies aren’t exactly mild, either. But, I don’t easily tell them to my wife. I know that if I have unmentioned fantasies, my wife has some as well.

As one who wanted to gain some insight from husbands who had experienced success in overcoming the post-intercourse orgasm loss of interest and the physiological-mental mandated cessation of intimate activities, I turned to the internet to see what other husbands have dealt with. Sadly, the web is rife with (big shock) pornography and scant few helpful guidance regarding how to actually launch into one’s’ spouse’s semen-saturated vulva.

Wading through the muck, I did find some nuggets of information that are seemingly based in scientific fact. For many men, we have some amazingly well thought out plans for continuing intimacy beyond our orgasm. We imagine out pleased our spouses will be when we can pull out after releasing and commence with another round of cunnilingus. The thought of diving into a pool of our love juices, dominated by our semen, is highly arousing (to many of us) with the desire to bring our lover to another orgasm is highly erotic. For me, the re-hashing my plan as I am thrusting inside of my wife has been such a huge turn-on, that I lose all control and orgasm arrives considerably faster than I had anticipated. The emotional let-down, combined with the post-orgasm interest loss only means that another plan has been laid to waste.

Working against chemistry
I have pondered this (as have many unsatisfied wives, I am certain) for years. Why can’t I just get passed this reflexive response? One doctor asserts that mens’ body chemistry actually changes in the moments following orgasm. Dr. Billy Goldberg (co-author of Why Do Men Fall Asleep After Sex?) asserts, “the biochemical prolactin is released, physically altering his body and making him very tired.” As we are all unique and our bodies respond to stimuli and chemistry differently, some men are, more than likely, less affected by the flood of oxytocin, prolactin, gamma amino butyric acid. This release can affect both the level of sexual interest and arousal as well as the ability to stay erect and awake.

Challenged by temporary increased (near-painful) sensitivity
I suppose that for some, the ability to continue on after a full orgasmic ejaculation is easier than it is for others and there are plenty of anecdotes swirling around the internet that seem, to suggest that. Unfortunately for me, I am firmly in the camp where I really have to force myself and work to continue on, fighting the hypersensitivity that my penis experiences, post-orgasm (some of you men are familiar with the “please stop” requests we make to our wives). For a subset of this group, continued stimulation can be downright painful.

I have read other anecdotes that seem to suggest that with age, this post-orgasm hurdle diminishes somewhat as the penis loses some sensitivity. I can confirm that I have been able to continue onward, more so in the recent years as opposed to in my youth.

Culturally stigmatized
Rtumblr_o32zlwvnZH1v03usjo1_500egardless of the community (secular, faith-based) there are many who are seated firmly within certain camps who view any sort of semen ingestion negatively (regardless if the person tasting the fluid is male or female). Still others look down solely upon a man in disgust when the idea of him taking in his own semen is mentioned. It is also very common for both husband and wife to pursue post-coital clean-up via a shower or a quick wipe down with a towel or tissue (though tissue can make the mess worse…don’t go this route) and discard the liquid product of their lovemaking. Some folks (on various sex discussion forums infer that a man consuming his semen from his wife’s vagina is a homosexual act (which hardly makes sense when husband and wife clearly constitutes a heterosexual couple – for my definition, anyway).

Perhaps the biggest stigma isn’t a spoken or demonstrated one at all. Perhaps the male spouse has inserted his own roadblock (to licking his semen from his wife), imagining his wife’s negative reaction as he moves down to perform cunnilingus on her semen-saturated vulva?

Too little time, too darned tired
In my marriage, both my wife and I have gotten caught in a trap of staying up way too late. After we get the kids to bed, we have a very short window of time for just the two of us to talk an interact as adults. Our kids lead a very active lifestyle as do my wife and I, and so the time for sexual intimacy gets squeezed and encroached upon. I get up well before the sun rises for my job, so simply staying up later for sex, though I am fine with the sex-for-sleep trade, my wife isn’t. On the nights when she still wants to have a little something, it is a quickie or wait for another night.

If I had a dollar for every night that this fragile window of time was shattered by a late night phone call, a kid who chose not to sleep, or a lengthy discussion was started, I would be an extremely wealthy man. If I had all of that money, I would trade it in an instant to have all of those nights of intimacy restored to us.

How do we overcome these roadblocks?
Regardless of the barriers and inhibitions that arise for the man who, with every intention before and during intimacy, has laid plans that this moment is going to be THE moment, fails yet again to carry out the act. The repeated disappointment routine can be maddening and very discouraging while injecting serious difficulties into the marriage bed as the husband never experiences success and is too inhibited to talk about it. This is a very serious concern for marriages. The bottom line in this is that we need to be bold in our marriages. We love and trust each other with so many other aspects of our lives. We are sharing our bodies with each other when we engage in sexual activities. How is it that we don’t share our desires and fantasies with each other? We don’t communicate. Why?

For me, the communication barrier is the fear of rejection. My fantasies all involve my wife (meaning I don’t have any thoughts of including others), no public sex, etc. My fantasies aren’t exactly mild, either. But, I don’t easily tell them to my wife. I know that if I have unmentioned fantasies, my wife has some as well.

Continue to Part II
This is part one of a multi-part series with the goal in mind to de-stigmatize the sharing of sexual fluids between partners. Men and and women both can enjoy the increased arousal and other benefits of post-ejaculation and post-orgasm oral sex.