A Woman Fully Satisfied and Yet, Still in Need

Last night, Paul and I had what I felt was one of our most pleasurable and fulfilling evenings of intimacy. Right from the start of contact, his hands touching my cheek and neck were causing me to quiver with anticipation and even though I was gifted with multiple releases, my desire to be in full contact with him didn’t wane. I am still completely on fire for more of Paul!

While he was away at work, visions of my husband’s body kept flooding my mind, washing away every thought (even those that were far too important to set aside) and causing a deep stir inside of me. Throughout the day, not only was I utterly and completely incapable of thinking anything but him, the intensity of my desire for him only increased. It became excruciating the longer this continued.

I know that I am not alone in my need to spend time hearing my husband’s voice as he slowly and gently caresses my body. I am not unique in that I need him to carefully take the time to just be with me in full contact as we allow our bodies to become one together long before I feel his warmth inside of me. I need this long before his tongue locates every cell within my skin that is awaiting hungrily, his saliva-laden desire for me. I need it all.

We spent hours and almost all of it was in the form of Paul meeting my every need with his entire body. His arms embraced me tightly. His legs wrapped around me lovingly. His hands explored me as if they were seeking me for the first time. His lips moved from mine and to the far reaches of my legs, torso, back; everywhere!

Paul gave to me in every way imaginable. I received him. I took what he gave to me which was all of him. Paul gave to me in ways that should satisfy every woman who is blessed with such love. I say, “should” because when we finally collapsed in the wonderful exhaustion of perfect passion, I remained in need. I still need more of him this morning which is inspiring me to write of him.

I spent hours after his departure this morning driving into the same need of my husband that I experienced throughout yesterday. My body was utterly ravaged with his love and desire and I have discovered the source of my lack of complete satisfaction. Though he gave to me as I wanted, he didn’t fulfill my every need.

I want my husband to cum in my mouth and I want this NOW!!

I am sending the kids to their friends in a few minutes in an effort to have myself ready for his return from work. He will be greeted with the most amazing kisses he has ever received – my body will fully enshroud his at the door; not a thread covering me. As soon as our lips separate, I am going to give my husband the pleasure that he gave to me last night but he isn’t going to get all the way into this house until I have my mouth full of his semen!!!!

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The Heavenly Visual of Her Fully-Satisfied Body Sends Me

Males are visually stimulated by the opposite sex (I assert this from the standpoint of a very heterosexual male who is overcome at the site of his wife’s naked body). The very presence of a naked female is enough to send some men over the edge with premature ejaculation. What we see, we respond to. As I am a man who loves the female form – specifically, my wife’s – I can say that I am an expert on this particular aspect of the subject.

The trek from being a man who avoids contact with his own semen to one who is borderline obsessive about the idea of licking the substance from his wife’s body has been a lengthy one. The most significant push toward the act has been the visual aspect. Melinda’s body is extremely attractive (not just from my own biased perspective, but it is quite obvious as I routinely catch other men gawking at her). Her chest, though not huge, is ample and when she is clothed in tighter fitting tops, her breasts are deliciously shaped.

Though I get lost in my wife’s eyes – staring into them while I am inside of her is a trigger to exploding inside of her – her ass is utterly amazing. The teardrop shape is slightly larger than the average woman but her’s is solid from daily running and cycling. I am bowled over to get my face embedded between her delicious cheeks. All of my wife’s assets are set apart by her incredible pussy. Though she refuses to shave all of the hair from her mons, she does trim it all away from her vulva leaving it all smoothly groomed for my mouth. Her inner lips and clitoris are absolutely perfect with the soft, small folds of skin and her slight clitoral hood protecting her tasty clit – it is all picture-perfect!

For decades I have been releasing my seed inside of her. When I was younger, I possessed the stamina to remain inside of her while relaxing in post-orgasmic embrace, awaiting the extreme sensitivity to subside. After a few moments, I could start kissing her neck and breasts and the erection would return while enveloped by her vaginal walls, surrounded by my sizable load of cum. Restarting my thrusts, it wouldn’t take long to begin extracting our fluids (with each withdrawal) and frothing them up to a whipped cream-like consistency. The visual would absolutely arouse me, exciting me to another substantial orgasm with yet another sizable release of my seed. Withdrawing from her saturated pussy, I would fix my gaze upon her vaginal opening to watch with delight as our fluids drained from inside of her. I’d experience a sensation of intrigue and interest as I wondered what that tasted like. After getting lost in that thought, my old bad habit would return to overpower the sexy thought and I’d turn away, leaving the glorious mess to be cleaned up the conventional way.

This discovery was something that I couldn’t let go of. I would imagine my wife’s vulva and my seed covering the soft folds of skin. I’d picture the thin stream of cum exiting her and flowing down across her anus and onto the sheet. The glistening pearlescence was drawing me closer. I was hooked on this taboo. Was it homosexual to consider tasting my own ejaculate? After all, it really wasn’t just my cum. My wife always added a tremendous amount of her lubricants (she gets terrifically wet during sex) so the fluid was a mix. The scent of the combination of juices is even different from the fragrance of either of our fluids, individually. I thought about my wife swallowing my ejaculations and how she seemed quite pleased to take them into her mouth when she gave me oral stimulation. How could she drink me down while I would consider my product “gross?”

This is the quandary that I found myself in. How to get past the “grossness” of my semen.

When I was younger and struggling with porn, I found the entire genre to be distasteful in how women were portrayed and used. Obviously, the principle audience for the films and magazine is men (see my opening paragraphs) and the industry capitalizes on the visual appeal while massaging the male ego. The ultimate ego stroke comes when the cock, after being orally worshiped by the insatiable woman, releases a massive bucket of cum all over the torso, breasts or face of the female(s) thereby demonstrating the master/servant aspect of all heterosexual relationships (yes, this is sarcasm), But for me, it was different. I sought something deeper.

I always viewed sex and, ultimately semen as sacred (at least I did in the back of my mind). And to waste either by simply hosing down the woman with cum seemed to be dishonoring of both. Now I have never ejaculated onto my wife and the thought has since occurred to me as something to try, but it would be display of sensuality and care for my bride. I wouldn’t do it unless I intended to incorporate some sort of sensual stimulation with me licking the fluid off of her body in order to excite her to another round (we are still working on it).

Progress is slow and steady. Until our next posting, please enjoy a sexy helping of your own creampie!

Deep-seated Fantasies. How to Bring Them Into the Light to Discuss

Since Mel brought it up in her last post, Giving Him Fantasies Means that I too, Receive!, I thought that I should continue on with the notion of desires and deep-seated fantasies.

We have been married for years and have been loving each other with increasing passion from the outset of our first meeting. If we were to (foolishly) attempt to compare our intimacy from our first time to what we enjoy together today, it would be mind-blowing. If I possessed any sort of foresight to what we do in bed today, I might have been intimidated. Now, with the talk of fantasies and what we secretly desire, I most certainly would have been riddled with fear.

I have been around most of the world and seen many places (and some very strange customs, behaviors and people).  I have traveled with people who had no issues, cares or fears with engaging in the sexual proclivities and entering into acts that are what I would consider to be extremely risky. I have been to bars and nightclubs in far-off lands and seen live sex acts performed a few feet away from a very good live band. Unfortunately, I have witnessed sex acts that included unwilling animals that made my stomach turn (memories that one wished could be bleached, burned or gouged away).

Regardless of where I have traveled, I have been in situations where, if I was so inclined, could have found myself in bed night after night with beautiful women. I don’t fancy myself to be anything special or some sort of manly man who possesses anything out of the ordinary that attracts the opposite sex. No matter what the situation, being with another woman has never appealed to me. Monogamy for the sake of being monogamous isn’t the driving force behind my desire to remain dedicated to Melinda. I love her with every cell of my body and every fiber of my being and because of how I feel about her, being intimate with her (and only her) is natural and normal.

I know that during our relationship, Melinda has been as dedicated to me as I am to her. The manner in which we throw ourselves at each other – carefree and without holding back – the spiritual connection has limitless depth. We can’t seem to find a point where we stop discovering newness between us which is hard to fathom considering how long we have been together. Before I continue, let me insert into this thought that neither of us is without flaw nor fallibility. We have both screwed up and made poor choices that have impacted each other and we will continue to do so – we are human. Regardless, we continue to grow and remain open to each other’s desires, needs and even fantasies.

Fantasy. This term is considerably subjective. What it means to me could vary wildly from what it means to Melinda. What lies within the meaning is the crux of what we have been talking about as of late with our pillow-talk. It is interesting that after we conclude our love-making and we are cooling down and the sweat and love-liquids still cover our recovering bodies, the idea of fantasies come up. Our pleasure-needs and desires are sated. Our fleshly thirsts, quenched. Our hearts are filled to overflowing. Our guard is completely relaxed. We lay there, talking openly about thoughts that spring forth from deep within.

We just got through with fulfilling one of my fantasies – the mixture of my cum and her wetness still coats my face and lips and I can still taste the wonderful flavor in my mouth. Melinda gives me my fantasy almost every day. “Paul, what deeper fantasies do you have?” she asks. “I know that if we both talked and listened, there is something more that you want us to try,” Melinda asks. As we talk about what it is that we do within our intimacy, neither of us has yet to blurt it out, directly and yet I sense that we are both thinking the same thing. It is odd that two people who have been moving into the most open and honest communication that we have ever experienced, suddenly are dancing around like a high school couple who are trying to figure out how to get the other one into bed without appearing eager or easy.

Here we are, not an any real impasse or stand-off but trying to determine the way to discuss one thing that I believe we both want to talk about. Regardless of whether we take actionable steps, we both should be ready to talk about this together.  Fortunately, we have a stretch of days with the kids being away and we will be spending a lot of time together, exploring each other and giving as much pleasure as we can give to one another. We both have been looking forward to these upcoming days and it seems like the most opportune timing to let the subject naturally arise. In terms of breaking the ice, I think that I will do so by sharing a couple images with this post to spark the discussion.

I know that this is a very different concept for a loving and very closely intimate couple, but the idea is lingering within us both.

Thoughts?

Letting Go of Ourselves and Pressing Into Our Relationship and Intimacy

Love Making

Have you ever had one of those conversations with your spouse, partner or lover about what the depth of your love could enable you to achieve? Have you given thought to what sorts of feats you would accomplish to demonstrate the love you have for the other? Have you considered what barriers or obstacles that you could blow through in order to span a measure of the distance to demonstrate to him or her what extent you are willing to travel for them?

Obviously, with a blog title of The Essence of Love-Making and the subject matter that lies within, there is one very erotic action that would be raised as one of the questions that I referred to in the previous paragraph (more on this particular question later). What are the barriers that preclude us from demonstrating absolute comfort with our partner? Melinda and I considered that we could make this more specific…does your love compel you to do things that you would ordinarily view as being “gross?”

I find myself increasingly laying down what was once uncomfortable (or, gross, if that term works better for you) in favor of wanting to not let my own inhibitions stand in the way of my affection.  Let me list a few of examples below along with how I now (or desire) to respond.

  1. Deep, passionate kisses first thing in the morning (forsaking morning breath). If we both have morning breath, why does it matter? Kiss away! Kiss freely!!
  2. Full contact, bodies pressed together, hugs when she is sweaty from a workout. Unless I am wearing a suit and preparing to head out for some other special occasion, I will hug her. If she is finishing an athletic event (running race, triathlon, etc.), you had better believe that I am going to hug her in celebration! The question is, does (or will) she hug me?
  3. Making love after a full day (i.e., not showering before intimacy). I know that some couples (especially depending upon what sort of work either does) will absolutely avoid physical contact until after their bodies are clean. Unless I have been out camping for three days, I have no problem with getting our bodies together for passionate sex without a shower. If we both are days without a shower, it truly doesn’t matter.
  4. Oral sex without an immediately prior shower. (see #3). I do enjoy her fragrance and I have no issues with being “down there,” especially if the intimacy is spontaneous and uncontrollable. My natural inclination is to head south no matter what and give her all the pleasure that she desires and can handle.
  5. Kissing after oral sex. For me, this is an absolute no hesitation move. If she goes down on me and takes me to completion, not only would I not resist her kiss, but I need her to kiss me! The same is true for the roles to be reversed. After I pleasure her, I am going to kiss her deeply. Our love fluids are no longer a roadblock for me – instead, they are an on-ramp to the next intimacy freeway!
  6. Wake-up sex following a previous evening of sex. This isn’t a consideration for me. Of course I am ready for sex first thing in the morning. I do like the messy nature of it all and to be with her through all of that is heavenly!
  7. Wake-up oral sex. By now, these situations seem silly. Why would I not go down? I want to wake her up with oral!!
  8. Oral sex following penetrative (i.e. intercourse). Again, this is ridiculous considering the nature of my blog and what I absolutely enjoy doing. It went from a goal to something that is a facet of making love. A means to take intimacy to new levels.
  9. Wake-up oral sex after a prior evening of sex. This is something that I have never tried nor experienced. The idea is sexy yet there needs to be a measure of intimate trust that will allow for me to do this. Does she trust me with her body? Would she let herself be vulnerable to my oral desires? I want to experiment with this one day.

There are other, less physically sexual, yet no less sensual expressions that come to mind. Sharing food from the same utensil? How about the ultimate in food sharing…biting from the same apple (a la Adam and Eve)? What comes to your mind? What do you see yourself doing or wanting your other half to do?

Communicating About Sex: Almost as Good as Sex Itself!

Seldom, if ever, are there awkward moments of silence where either of us is left struggling for something to talk about. Sitting on the couch with the television off, we can talk for hours as the subject matter meanders about and our participatory emotions can run through the entire spectrum. When we’re together on a road trip, sharing in mutual interests as we dive into various aspects and details of what is on our mind, occupies the airspace. However, there are some areas and topics that were truly never discussed in any sort of depth. By now, you might be wondering what any of this has to do with me enjoying making and tasting our creampies?

One of the single-most exciting aspects of my pursuit of growth in our intimacy has to be the breakthrough in communication that Melinda and I are experiencing. Talking about sex in a very abstract, impersonal sense has never been a challenge for my wife and I. We can talk about the cultural issues, social downfalls and various other perspectives without hesitation. But, when we begin to encroach upon our personal sexual intimacy, our wants and desires in particular, we have historically stayed as far away from any conversational depth.

As I have progressed from a man who refused any sort of oral contact with his semen to one who gladly tastes and eats it (during intimacy with my wife), I am just now starting to scratch the surface of open dialogue with my wife about my intimacy fantasies and desires with her. What began as simple innuendo and subtle inferences is slowly transitioning to frank and open discussion. The ice-breaker for me was an evening, while engaged in intercourse, as I was thrusting inside of Melinda, her pussy already filled with my cum, I told her that I was going to go back down to taste her and my cum. In an instant, she spread her legs to take me in deeper (despite her issues with my penis length), as we both experienced orgasms at the mere mention of the creampie-eating act.

Last weekend after finally getting to our bedroom following a particularly late evening of family activities, we showered in anticipation of a healthy night of oral sex, complete with creampie eating. Laying there on the bed, our bodies naked and fresh, we began talking about sex. I can’t recall what prompted the dialogue, but we started in our intimacy, leaving nothing unspoken. I began to express to Melinda in bold detail, where my interest in eating my semen from her pussy began to manifest. I expressed to her how my desires began to develop when we started to have sex for the purposes of getting her pregnant. When she was finally off birth control and every load of ejaculate (that I was pumping into her) was now for real, the arousal for me was incredible. The idea of my semen being “dirty” or “repulsive” fell away. During that intimacy, I saw my wife’s vulva and envisioned her reproductive organs now as amazing equipment and no longer simply for my pleasure. It was a breakthrough for me!

I began to describe to her about my adolescent masturbatory practices and what I would do with my ejaculate once I achieved orgasm. I described to her my mindset that the liquid was dirty and the act of self-pleasuring was a shameful thing for me – that I had viewed all of those aspects of myself as dirty. We spoke about our premarital sexual encounters (there were so many, it would be impossible to count) with each other. We used to have intercourse as much and whenever possible, but my views on my semen remained the same (keep that stuff away from me!!). When my wife (then girlfriend) gave me oral to completion (OTC), she initially spit my semen out. When she finally started swallowing it, my enjoyment increased, however in neither occasion would I kiss her after my see had filled her mouth (she had to rinse first).

That evening, we also spoke about why I like the idea of continuing intimacy following orgasms (for both of us). It is patently obvious that my wife enjoys and can easily attain multiples and that continuing on after my orgasm is dependent upon my desire and ability – both of which are fueled by possessing the strength and stamina and having enough arousal. I told her that this meant that in order for me to continue on, I would need to set aside any mental barriers (my previous aversion to my cum) and work through the physiological ones. I also mentioned to her that it would be highly arousing for me (and probably her) if she could follow suit and perform oral on me after being inside of her. She has always been resistant to any contact with her fluids and any mention of such an activity (by me) has been met with adamant refusal. When I discussed how aroused she gets when I eat my cum from her and take her to subsequent orgasms, the absolution aspect seemed to melt away and I could see that she was actually thinking on the idea.

The conversation was absolutely uncharted territory for our marriage. Sadly, it has taken us more than two decades to get to this point. Excitedly, we ARE here, breaking free from the past and developing our relationship. As I write this, I recall our teenage phone conversations and how they would last for hours on end. We would engage in lurid discussion after a while, each of us getting considerably aroused. I would stroke my penis as she described what she would do to me. On more than one occasion, my arousal was taken to the point of orgasm and ejaculation. I know that I fought to conceal my finishing from her as I didn’t want her to feel strange about her boyfriend cumming while on the phone. To this day, I doubt that I’ve told her about that (I think that I will have to share this with her to see which direction our present-day sex-talk can be taken!). While I was on active duty, our letter-writing (email didn’t exist as it does for current deployed service personnel) often included vivid details of what our next sexual encounters would be like once I returned from deployment. Fortunately for me, we both saved our letters from that time and reading them today makes for some incredibly titillating reading.

I was very encouraged when my wife said that she would gladly share my semen with me in a heated kiss following my finish in her mouth. I had expressed to her that it was a fantasy of mine to engage in oral cumplay, each of us enjoying my ejaculate after cumming in her mouth. This was a huge communication breakthrough for us!

Laying there naked on the bed, my penis quite clearly communicating my arousal to my wife, I began stroking her body as our conversation was winding down. Similar to the visual queues that I was providing to my wife, I could also see that the subject matter had a profound impact on her. I touched her erect nipples as I began to passionately kiss her. Our lips and tongues fully engaged, my hand eventually slid between her legs to discover the flow of her love juice was in full swing. My heart was aflutter with anticipation, waiting to take in her liquid essence. It was more than obvious that our open and honest talk about our intimacy had a profound impact on her.

Making her way down to my penis, my beautiful wife started in, orally stimulating me. Being extremely aroused already, the sensation was near-overwhelming, Once I settled down and simply enjoyed what she was doing to me with her tongue and lips. As I laid there soaking it all in, my ejaculatory response began to build. Sensing my increased erection and tasting my precum, Melinda began to work harder, caressing my scrotum and testicles. I started to think that she was going to take my load and share it with me…right here and now. The idea of it was getting me even more worked up. My wife kept pursuing my arousal, seemingly intent taking me to an orgasm when she suddenly pulled her mouth off of me, looked me in the eyes with a sheepish smile saying, “Ok! My turn!”

In the time it took for her to change positions and for me to enter her, my arousal abated and I began to gently thrust into her with my penis. At a whisper, our conversation started up again. We started to chat about what we were feeling. My wife was in tune with my arousal sensing that I was building up to the point of no return (PONR). I’d edge my orgasm, letting a few spurts of semen pulse into her already saturated pussy, prompting her to ask, “did you just cum a little bit?” I smiled in response and continued thrusting. Her “normal” pattern had been to demand me ceasing intercourse for fear of my orgasm would end our love-making session. Now, she knew that even if I did go all the way to an orgasm, I was going to spend some quality time with licking her and lapping up my seeping cum.

tumblr_nouzy7xJFw1uohzbto1_400I continued thrusting and edging, depositing burst after burst of cum inside of my wife. Melinda asked me if I would move down and begin taking care of her needs. Thoroughly saturated, I gladly withdrew and positioned myself between her muscular thighs. I paused to take in the sight of my semen and her pussy juices whipped into a heavy froth. My abdomen was alight with the sensation of butterflies in my anticipation of the first taste. I slowly moved in and my wife let out a heavy sigh. Knowing that I filled her with my cum, she asked, “is there a lot?” I had to confess to her that it was a mess and that I was excited as I extended my tongue to her pretty right labia. I moved in an upward motion, licking up a sizable portion. My wife quivered as she was clearly hypersensitive, my tongue tickling her in the process. I moved to the other side to take in another portion. I dropped down to her anus to catch what gravity was trying to take, removing another considerable amount of our mixture. The flavor was overwhelming! Finally, it was going to happen…I inserted my tongue into her pussy opening to extract a huge volume of fluid. Taking it into my mouth, much of it began to run down my chin. My mouth was extremely full, so I wiped the excess onto her clitoris with a fluid motion, swallowing the mouthful I already had.

image (1)After my wife’s first orgasm, she clamored for me to, “get inside” her immediately. Of course, I was compelled to oblige. As she was so wet from her juices, my cum and saliva, I easily slid straight into her very sensitive pussy. I was in so fast and deep, that my wife let out a deep moan of both pain and pleasure. I had to be mindful of my depth as I began thrusting. As I stroked, I realized that I was only going to be able to sustain a rhythm for a few minutes. In her heightened state of arousal, she began to experience small, but enjoyable climaxes in succession as the head of my penis massaged the upper wall of her pussy. The pressure inside of me was mounting as I felt the ejaculatory response building and so, slowed to release a spurt or two of semen. I was able to continue on as my wife told me to just let go. As I resisted the urge, she began to make demands. “I want you to cum inside me!” she exclaimed. I told her that I was about to cum and reminded her that I was going to lick it all up afterward. That was enough to send her reeling. She began to have yet another orgasm which, in turn, sent me over the edge as I began to fire, round after round of semen shots inside of her.

I rested in her arms while my penis was still inside of Melinda. I lifted up slightly and smiled at her. She knew that I was bent on cleaning her up and giving her yet another orally-stimulated orgasm. Before I entered the refractory let-down period, I withdrew and again moved down for another round of licking her pussy. This time, the fluid that was emanating from her pussy was clearly and almost entirely from me. the load was thick and translucent white and was beginning to emerge from her opening. I began to lick her labia while awaited the large portion to exit from her. When it did, I sucked it into my mouth. The warmth was tremendous. The thick and creamy consistency was delightful. The flavor was rather enjoyable. To date, this was the largest volume of my semen that I had ever held in my mouth and it was amazing. The bland flavor was subtle and possessed a hint of cauliflower and sweet. Upon swallowing it, I could also pick up a hint of my wife’s essence in the aftertaste and it was all entirely amazing. Inserted my tongue into her pussy to retrieve what was left and enjoyed the small serving before I moved up to stimulate Melinda’s clitoris.

We continued on for another set of orgasms, my wife first followed another one for my inside of her. As the hour was late and we were both spent, I sadly left the second, smaller load untouched. My wife and I cleaned up and prepared for one of the most wonderfully peaceful nights of rest either of us had in a long time. Our minds and our bodies cleared by the evening’s activities. Open and honest communication about intimacy was now achievable without the risk of pressure, hurt feelings or unnecessary expectations. The idea of talking about sex and sharing our desires is an important facet of our relationship – one that has clearly been sorely absent from our marriage. We are just beginning and the future looks quite bright for us, leaving me with the feeling that we are staring afresh with a lifetime ahead of us.

I am considerably more excited with the prospect of what our future holds rather than dwelling on what we could have experienced had we stated this sooner.

Identifying and Understanding the Roadblocks to Continuing Intimacy (Part I)

For me, the communication barrier is the fear of rejection. My fantasies all involve my wife (meaning I don’t have any thoughts of including others), no public sex, etc. My fantasies aren’t exactly mild, either. But, I don’t easily tell them to my wife. I know that if I have unmentioned fantasies, my wife has some as well.

As one who wanted to gain some insight from husbands who had experienced success in overcoming the post-intercourse orgasm loss of interest and the physiological-mental mandated cessation of intimate activities, I turned to the internet to see what other husbands have dealt with. Sadly, the web is rife with (big shock) pornography and scant few helpful guidance regarding how to actually launch into one’s’ spouse’s semen-saturated vulva.

Wading through the muck, I did find some nuggets of information that are seemingly based in scientific fact. For many men, we have some amazingly well thought out plans for continuing intimacy beyond our orgasm. We imagine out pleased our spouses will be when we can pull out after releasing and commence with another round of cunnilingus. The thought of diving into a pool of our love juices, dominated by our semen, is highly arousing (to many of us) with the desire to bring our lover to another orgasm is highly erotic. For me, the re-hashing my plan as I am thrusting inside of my wife has been such a huge turn-on, that I lose all control and orgasm arrives considerably faster than I had anticipated. The emotional let-down, combined with the post-orgasm interest loss only means that another plan has been laid to waste.

Working against chemistry
I have pondered this (as have many unsatisfied wives, I am certain) for years. Why can’t I just get passed this reflexive response? One doctor asserts that mens’ body chemistry actually changes in the moments following orgasm. Dr. Billy Goldberg (co-author of Why Do Men Fall Asleep After Sex?) asserts, “the biochemical prolactin is released, physically altering his body and making him very tired.” As we are all unique and our bodies respond to stimuli and chemistry differently, some men are, more than likely, less affected by the flood of oxytocin, prolactin, gamma amino butyric acid. This release can affect both the level of sexual interest and arousal as well as the ability to stay erect and awake.

Challenged by temporary increased (near-painful) sensitivity
I suppose that for some, the ability to continue on after a full orgasmic ejaculation is easier than it is for others and there are plenty of anecdotes swirling around the internet that seem, to suggest that. Unfortunately for me, I am firmly in the camp where I really have to force myself and work to continue on, fighting the hypersensitivity that my penis experiences, post-orgasm (some of you men are familiar with the “please stop” requests we make to our wives). For a subset of this group, continued stimulation can be downright painful.

I have read other anecdotes that seem to suggest that with age, this post-orgasm hurdle diminishes somewhat as the penis loses some sensitivity. I can confirm that I have been able to continue onward, more so in the recent years as opposed to in my youth.

Culturally stigmatized
Rtumblr_o32zlwvnZH1v03usjo1_500egardless of the community (secular, faith-based) there are many who are seated firmly within certain camps who view any sort of semen ingestion negatively (regardless if the person tasting the fluid is male or female). Still others look down solely upon a man in disgust when the idea of him taking in his own semen is mentioned. It is also very common for both husband and wife to pursue post-coital clean-up via a shower or a quick wipe down with a towel or tissue (though tissue can make the mess worse…don’t go this route) and discard the liquid product of their lovemaking. Some folks (on various sex discussion forums infer that a man consuming his semen from his wife’s vagina is a homosexual act (which hardly makes sense when husband and wife clearly constitutes a heterosexual couple – for my definition, anyway).

Perhaps the biggest stigma isn’t a spoken or demonstrated one at all. Perhaps the male spouse has inserted his own roadblock (to licking his semen from his wife), imagining his wife’s negative reaction as he moves down to perform cunnilingus on her semen-saturated vulva?

Too little time, too darned tired
In my marriage, both my wife and I have gotten caught in a trap of staying up way too late. After we get the kids to bed, we have a very short window of time for just the two of us to talk an interact as adults. Our kids lead a very active lifestyle as do my wife and I, and so the time for sexual intimacy gets squeezed and encroached upon. I get up well before the sun rises for my job, so simply staying up later for sex, though I am fine with the sex-for-sleep trade, my wife isn’t. On the nights when she still wants to have a little something, it is a quickie or wait for another night.

If I had a dollar for every night that this fragile window of time was shattered by a late night phone call, a kid who chose not to sleep, or a lengthy discussion was started, I would be an extremely wealthy man. If I had all of that money, I would trade it in an instant to have all of those nights of intimacy restored to us.

How do we overcome these roadblocks?
Regardless of the barriers and inhibitions that arise for the man who, with every intention before and during intimacy, has laid plans that this moment is going to be THE moment, fails yet again to carry out the act. The repeated disappointment routine can be maddening and very discouraging while injecting serious difficulties into the marriage bed as the husband never experiences success and is too inhibited to talk about it. This is a very serious concern for marriages. The bottom line in this is that we need to be bold in our marriages. We love and trust each other with so many other aspects of our lives. We are sharing our bodies with each other when we engage in sexual activities. How is it that we don’t share our desires and fantasies with each other? We don’t communicate. Why?

For me, the communication barrier is the fear of rejection. My fantasies all involve my wife (meaning I don’t have any thoughts of including others), no public sex, etc. My fantasies aren’t exactly mild, either. But, I don’t easily tell them to my wife. I know that if I have unmentioned fantasies, my wife has some as well.

Continue to Part II
This is part one of a multi-part series with the goal in mind to de-stigmatize the sharing of sexual fluids between partners. Men and and women both can enjoy the increased arousal and other benefits of post-ejaculation and post-orgasm oral sex.